CUMMINS: How to build a Yuletide wall

Dear President Trump,

You don’t know me, but you should. I can help you and would be honored to become an official adviser inside the White House. From what I hear, it’s like a circus in there without a ringmaster, who uses a whip. And as your staff members come and go like bees searching for nectar, they’ll never ever taste honey. And do you know who and where your cabinet members are? And now that you’re looking for a new chief-of-staff, I’m not interested. From what I know about that job, it’s like he’s herding cattle needing their horns cut off.

Now, you’re relying on several of your children to give you official advice, but if one of them should get sick of it and leave, I’d be interested in that lofty position. But let me ask this. Not that I want to serve for the money, but are they on the bloated government payroll, and do they pay taxes like I do? Just asking.

I can partially empathize with you, but you wanted that job. Was it that you despised the Clintons or wanted to take another ego trip? You certainly have tough problems every day with practically every other country in the world, but now American women are feeling their oats. You’ve had vast experience with three wives and other types of social relationships with women, who were super models. What refined social tastes you have.

What I’m getting at is, whereas a woman’s place has previously been in the home to serve her husband, it’s now in Congress to serve her country to make it great again by employing the so-called women’s touch. You know what that kind of touch has done for you.

Next month, the new Congress will take office, which results in the weak Democrats taking control of the House. During my vast experience with various women, I’ve observed them gradually taking control of their own houses. And now, after the last election, a record number of women were elected for what else but rigid control of our government like hardline American men have never experienced before.

I’m sure you’ve heard the word, “impeachment” carelessly thrown around. My advice: don’t worry about it. Go ahead and do your job, which is essentially dealing with three types of affairs â€" foreign, domestic and personal. Before I send my eight-page resume and am interviewed by your son-in-law, Jared Kushner, or the first lady, here’s my advice.

You should cut back on personal affairs. The American people expect a virtuous president. In foreign affairs, you have Putin and The Little Rocket Man, whom you shut up, but please double check his nuclear arsenal. And you have several nut-case leaders of other friendly countries, who are in over their deficient heads. Go meet them at summits and lay your law down to them.

Thanks for sending your emails informing me which Americans are horrible and those few that are not. And it’s amazing how well you can distinguish fake news from what’s on CNN. Now, as for money you need to run in 2020, I’m running short. You see, I’m looking for a health-care plan that will cure what ails me. Not that you had anything to do with it, but psychiatrists charge way too much.

Domestically, you’re right. The Trump Wall will protect us from most every harm. But when you met with the pathetic Democrat leaders, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, you told them you would shut down the government unless Congress appropriates $5 billion to build the Trump Wall, which would also protect Democrats and everyone else who doesn’t love America like you do.

Taking my advice might save you. Begin a campaign to sell bricks to build the wall, like Girl Scouts sell cookies. Involve children in schools to teach them patriotism and obedience to their president. Have schools hold intra-school competitions like basketball games where children can see how far he/she can throw a brick. Sell the bricks for $5, or $10 for an engraved one. Think gobs of cash pouring in and communities reuniting again. This sounds absurd, but it’s not as dumb as you people in Washington, who do little else except investigate each other.

With your unlimited vision, your dream of an aesthetic wall, partly wrapped in barbed wire in extremely dangerous places, will be realized when you see that monstrous thing stretching from sea to shining sea.

Have a prosperous New Year and see what you can do for me.

â€" Contact Terry Cummins at TLCTLC@AOL.com.